"Holy" Thursday? "Good" Friday? Oh, Holy Badness (Days 28 & 29)

The Easter holiday is celebrated in a big way in Belize, with much of the celebrations similar to week-long "spring break" parties. The so-called "Holy Week" kicks off early in Placencia with everyone starting the party on Thursday, and I was tempted to just take the day off and enjoy the celebrations. I wasn't feeling very motivated, especially since I had been feeling discouraged with my lack of progress. But I was determined to keep going, and somehow I dug deep and found the will to exercise. 

Wanting to change things up a bit and add a little more cardio, I dug out the hated P90X "Plyometrics" dvd and popped it in the blu-ray player. It's the most challenging set of exercises for me, but I managed to keep up for the first 38 minutes before I had to take a break for a few minutes, and then managed another 10 minutes. It seemed like the longest 48 minutes of my life, but I was happy that I slogged through it as best I could, and earned myself another point in the "win" column. 

Good Friday dawned sunny, hot, and beautiful. Since many of our friends were off work and celebrating the holiday, we joined them for a day cruise on the Placencia Princess, our local party boat. We had so much fun, dancing on the upper deck on the long boat ride to the island, swimming for hours at Robert's Caye, and dancing even more on the return trip, but sadly, that was all the exercise I did Friday.

Unfortunately, I fell off the "healthy me" wagon, and got dragged behind it for a few miles too.   

Yes, I admit it. I was actually very bad. I didn't exercise at all, unless dancing and swimming counts. Or if trying to hold my drink above water while the waves crashed around me can be considered exercise. I also consumed a lot of alcoholic calories and indulged myself with several, terribly delicious cigarettes. And I didn't care. I was having FUN! And it felt sooooo good to be so bad! 

The tailgate on my wagon was already a little loose, and the siren song of orange juice, vodka, and Pall Malls was too strong to resist. And once the tailgate fell free, I jumped with abandon, happily and unapologetically, off the wagon. Screwdriver in one hand and cigarette in the other. And fell flat on my crybaby "I want to get healthy" face. 

I don't know how many screwdrivers or cigarettes I had, I can only say it was a lot of each. My e-cig, "Bud," lay forgotten in the pocket of my beach bag, reprimanding me silently with his darkened blue light every time I reached for my towel or another Pall Mall. That is, until I finally rolled him up inside my shirt at the bottom of the bag to hide his sad, judgmental little blue eye. 

My only saving grace, if there is such a thing, is that I didn't really eat anything too terrible, but only because I am too picky to eat a sausage on a stick or a gnarly hotdog, standard fare on the Princess day cruise. And at least when we returned to the village and stopped by the Purple Space Monkey for dinner, I did make a somewhat healthier choice with the shrimp and vegetable curry. 

But over all, it was not a healthy day. And I know, I know, I've already read myself the riot act for smoking.

Bad choices, we've all made a few. I know I made a few on Good Friday, at least if I want to be healthier. I guess I am only human, after all, and I will never be perfect. I'm just a girl who wants to join the party when the rest of her friends are having fun. And I did. 

I know the world won't end, but I also know the ramifications of the choices I make. And I realize it will take me longer to reach my goals each time I choose to make those "bad" choices. 

I can only forgive myself for being "bad" on Good Friday, and simply try again to do better tomorrow. Sometimes I think it's all any of us can do. See you then! 

Power Outages & Discouragement - Tuesday & Wednesday (Days 26 & 27)

I was unable to post my Tuesday report yesterday morning thanks to a "planned" power outage, something that is common in Placencia, especially anytime a holiday is near. Although we knew this one was coming, and it was relatively short (only three hours), any outage still manages to screw up our internet service for the entire day. 

By the time the internet finally came back up, and we got the router reset and rebooted in the evening, I had no energy left to write. So, as I have learned to do here in Belize, I rolled with the punches, and decided to combine both Tuesday's and Wednesday's report together. 
Tuesday found me hitting the stairs again because it was simply too hot to drag myself and the dog through the village in the early morning heat. I was determined to do a little more than the day before, so I decided to see how long I could go without a single break. After 35 minutes without a single break, and 39 trips, I was really fatigued and I figured I better sit down before I fell down. And then I was simply done, I couldn't do any more. 
As I had done on Monday, I tried to force myself to not touch the handrail for "safety" at all. It was challenging, and I found myself reaching for the railing out of habit on more than one occasion. I find it interesting, though, how such a small thing increases the level of difficulty for me, and my body is definitely feeling it in different places.

Tuesday was also veggie stand day, and I picked up some great fruit, including a juicy cantaloupe, some gorgeous strawberries, a huge watermelon, more delicious green grapes, as well as some tomatoes, lettuce, potatoes, and zucchini. I used to not buy much fruit here (except for bananas and oranges), because I think it is more expensive, and I hate the time it takes to cut it up and prep it. But as I mentioned before, I have to remind myself that my better self, and my health, are worth it! And I promised myself the three avocados I splurged on at $3.50(bz) each are gonna taste fantastic! 

Wednesday was a little cooler in the morning, but I couldn't stand the thought of trudging up and down the stairs again, so Foxxi and I went for a walk. We kept a pretty good pace and made it to the pier in just under 15 minutes, took a very short "slow-walk" break, and then headed back to the house in 23 minutes, for a total of 38 minutes. I like that I have the option of choosing a different exercise each day, and a walk through the village I love was a really nice change from the stairs I am starting to loathe. And the smiles, waves, and friendly greetings, along with the gorgeous scenery, are always a welcome reminder of why we chose to live in Placencia!
Then it was time to hit the "grocery store," where I picked up a ton of chicken breasts, some ground beef, cheese, bacon, and a heap of stuff for the boys to eat. It's definitely been an interesting few days with "E" home from college, and the hubby and him needing to eat much more quantity, and much differently, from what I am eating. But they've been pretty understanding so far when I tell them certain things are off limits to them and "just for me." If I didn't, the fridge would be empty and all the "good stuff" would be gone in a split second. Wow, those guys can eat anything and everything!

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but something I have been wanting to address is the lack of my "daily scale shot" in my last few posts. Many people encouraged me to abandon the scale because it was causing me too much disappointment, and I have finally decided to take their advice, at least in part. I will still be checking in on my scale to keep myself accountable, and posting the results (once a week or so), but the daily ups and downs were just too discouraging on a daily basis. 
But even with only weekly checkins on the scale, I'm starting to worry that the results will still be disappointing. I am at the point where I'm starting to get more frustrated and less enthusiastic. I have been working so hard, have been so diligent with my exercise, and have significantly improved what I eat, and yet am seeing no change in my shape, the way my clothes fit, little change in the way I feel, and almost no movement of the number on the scale. 

We are nearing the 30-day mark, and I am not seeing or feeling much improvement. I don't want to give up, and I won't (at least not yet), but it gets harder and harder to force myself to eat well and exercise when the monster in my head is saying "Why bother? It's not making any difference anyway. What are you killing yourself for?"   

And then I silently shout back at him, "It will take time!" 

It's going to take more than 30 days. I KNOW that.  

But I HATE that fact. I want something to start happening NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month. NOW. And when it doesn't, especially after almost a month of hard work, I start to lose motivation. And then I start listening to that little devil inside my head who says, "Just quit. You hate it and it's not doing you any good. It's too hot, too late, you're too tired, too (whatever excuse) to exercise. Just treat yourself to the things you love, even if they are bad for you, and DON'T do the things you hate. Enjoy yourself, because you only live once, and tomorrow you could be dead." 

That little monster can be convincing. Pretty. Damn. Convincing.

So, tell me, how do you stay motivated to do something you HATE (for me, that's eating well and exercise), even if you aren't seeing any results? How do you keep going when you would rather just sleep in, throw your tennis shoes away, sit in a chair by the beach, drink watermelon bliss, smoke cigarettes, and eat cheesecake all day? What makes YOU keep going when you are getting discouraged?  

Hanging with My "Bud" on Smokeless Monday (Day 25)

After declaring to the world that Sunday would be my last day of smoking real cigarettes, I knew I had a big challenge ahead of me when I got up on Monday. To change the pattern, instead of my usual routine of sitting on the deck with a cup of coffee while I enjoyed my morning smoke, I got dressed right away and got busy picking up the house. Then I had a few drags off my "Bud" (my e-cig), allowed myself a little coffee, and headed out for some exercise. The "Bud" has nicotine in it, and a cool strawberry flavor, but none of the other carcinogens found in cigarettes. The theory is that it helps me not be a total bitch while I am kicking the habit. I guess we'll see how that goes as the week progresses! 

I wasn't in the mood for leaving the house, so I decided to tackle the stairs again, but with a little personal challenge thrown in. Ever since my brain surgery, I have struggled with feeling off balance, and even though I don't really hang on, I usually run my hand along the railing as I go down, just as a "safety." So I challenged myself to not touch the railing at all, either on the way up or down. But since it made me feel unsteady, it made a difference in my pace, and I felt a little worried that I might stumble as I became more tired. I managed to do 37 trips in 30 minutes, took three minutes to rest, and then pushed myself to do 10 more trips in eight minutes. Monday's total: 38 minutes and 47 trips--I'll take it!

Towards the end, I definitely felt the urge to run my hand along the railing just to steady myself, but I resisted as much as I could. I didn't stumble, but I definitely felt uncomfortable, especially on the way down. I also noticed not using the railing as a "safety" forced me to stand up straighter and move differently, which I felt later in the evening when my lower back began to stiffen up a little bit. Amazing how changing just that small thing worked my body differently. I'm not sure yet if it's a good thing, but it was liberating to abandon my "safety." It may seem like a small thing to you, but to me, it was a big deal!

The rest of the day was okay for a Monday, and I made the boys a chicken, broccoli, mac & cheese casserole for dinner but forgot to get a picture of it. They really liked it, and although I would rather just have the plain mac and cheese, I did have a very small portion. I also managed to drink two liters of water, and a couple glasses of tea, throughout the day. I am happy that I am finally to the point that my water intake is better. And I managed to make it all day with just the occasional drag off my "Bud."

 Until after dinner when I had one real cigarette. But that one was enough. 

Going from close to a pack a day to one cigarette on my first day? I'll guess I'll count it as a partial win, and remind myself that it can only get better from here. This is a life-changing project, and Rome wasn't built in a day. It's going to be a long journey to finding the old me on my "lose weight, gain health" journey. Thankfully, tomorrow is another day, and I hope I'll see you then! 

Enjoyed Sunday Despite Having To Exercise! (Day 24)

Since I used up my "Fun" day on Friday by eating poorly, not exercising, and then indulging in more Watermelon Bliss than I should have, I had to exercise on what would usually be my "exercise-free" day. The village is usually quiet on Sunday mornings, so I leashed up Foxxi to take her for a walk. 

What I failed to take into account was that her little friend, the neighbor's dog "Fluffy," had been over to play early in the morning and tired her out. We didn't get far at all before I realized Foxxi was already exhausted, and I didn't want to give her heat stroke, so we turned around and came back to the house. I was disappointed to find we had only been gone 20 minutes. It wasn't as long as I wanted, but it would have to be enough, because the boys had a surprise for me - a motor for my little boat had finally arrived! 

 Dear hubby and our adopted son, "E," were as excited as kids about launching the little boat I had received as a late Christmas present back in January. Now that I had painted her name on, and they had found a motor that would work, it was finally time to put her in the water. I helped them wrangle my baby, "Nemo," off the ramp and into the water.

I let the boys take her out for the first spin to make sure everything worked ok, and then it was my turn. I can't begin to tell you how excited I was to finally be puttering around the canal and the lagoon in my very own boat! I had never operated a boat motor like this, and it was interesting to learn how it worked.  

We spent some time practicing how navigate, reverse, and turn, and how to pull up to the docks. Dear hubby took pictures and helped by picking out different support posts on the dock, and having me "kiss" them with the nose of the boat. It was really fun, although I will need more practice before I will be ready to go alone. 
Thanks to frequent (hated) grocery shopping last week, I was able to make healthy food choices despite the fact that dear hubby decided to make french toast for breakfast, something he's never done for me! But it's a good thing that there will be more fresh produce at the veggie stands on Tuesday, I'm already getting low on quite a few things. Having a 19-year-old young man at home on Easter break from college, and who is always hungry, really depletes the grocery supply quickly! 

Overall, Sunday was a pretty good day, and almost a true "funday." And at least I did some exercise, even though it wasn't the full 30 minutes (or more) I try to shoot for. I also got my full liter of water choked down, along with several glasses of unsweetened tea. And I think I'm going to count the boat wrangling as exercise too, since it is REALLY heavy and takes all three of us to get it off and on the ramp, so that gets me a little closer to my 30 minutes. And at least I was pretty active all day with very little couch surfing, and that helps too. And, of course, tomorrow I will try again! See you then! 

Accidental Friday Funday Rolls Into Super Saturday (Days 22 & 23)

I'm combining Friday and Saturday's posts, because although I didn't mean for it to happen, Friday turned into a complete failure for me. I started the morning with good intentions by getting up at a decent time and getting ready to head out for a walk before the hubby even left for work. But the dark clouds overhead had different ideas, letting loose with a downpour right as I got ready to go. 

Thinking it wouldn't last, I decided to tackle some catch-up work I had been putting off while I waited for it to let up. The next thing I knew, the rain had dissipated, but it was almost noon! I had things to do and errands to run, so I changed out of my workout clothes and headed into the village. I made sure to hit the veggie stands, and then grabbed some groceries, and took care of a few other things. 

 By the time I got home and put away my haul, it was nearly 4 p.m and I needed a shower. We had decided to head to the Barefoot for happy hour since we hadn't been for awhile. The problem, for us anyway, is that Friday night happy hour easily turns into happy HOURS (which is why we don't go that often!) 

We saw so many people, and had so much fun chatting, before I realized, it was 8 p.m. and I hadn't eaten more than a couple handful of grapes and peanuts all day. I had also only drank half my liter of water, although I had downed several of my favorite, Watermelon Bliss! Luckily, I had some good food options in the fridge when we got home, so even though I was starving, at least I didn't pig out on something completely unhealthy. 

But the worst thing was, I failed to exercise at all. And by the time I realized that exercise wasn't going to happen, I was having too much fun to care! It's the first time since I started this project that I simply blew off my exercise, but I was guilty as sin. And when I woke up Saturday morning, I knew I would have to admit to the world I had failed. I did NOT meet my commitment to exercise at least 30 minutes, or eat healthy food, on Friday.

Saturday I got up early, and after I finished beating myself up for my failure to eat right or exercise on Friday, I got right to work. Pulling out my hated P90X collection, I selected one that I knew would kick my ass, the Plyometrics set which is lots of alternating reps of 30-60 second long bursts of intense activity and a total of 56 minutes long. I knew I couldn't "make up" the day I missed, but I wanted to push, and maybe punish, myself a little. It's one of the toughest dvd's of the collection, and I could only do 42 minutes. But I did it, sweating out Watermelon Bliss the whole time. And then I more than made up for the lack of water intake Friday by downing two full liters before noon on Saturday. Win? Yep, I guess so.

I made a point to plan out my food for Saturday better, and had two hard boiled egg whites and a banana for breakfast, a BLT in a pita for lunch, and a big salad with a piece of bacon, black olives and cheese for dinner. My snacks were a handful of grapes mid-morning and some raisins in the evening. I felt like I got plenty to eat, and most of it was healthy too. Win? Yes, I believe so. 

My biggest failure so far, failing to exercise or eat right on Friday? Is that a Win? Nope. I'm not happy about it. And it also means that since I already used up my "free day," my Sunday is going to be a "No-Fun-Day." I'm going to have to exercise and not eat anything "fun," and skip the Watermelon Bliss, even if we do get together with our friends, our usual Sunday plan. That makes me sad, but that's the price I have to pay. But it was a small failure in the larger scope of things, and it isn't the end of the world. And at least I know there'll be another Sunday Funday next week, and tomorrow I can try again! 

Giving Things Up on My Journey to A New Dawn - Thursday (Day 21)

Thursday brought the end to three full weeks, 21 days of grueling, emotional, but sometimes successful, work on my "lose weight, gain health" project. They say that for anything to become a habit, you need to do it continuously for 30 days. My plan is to keep slogging along every day even past the 30-day mark, until exercising and eating healthy foods becomes a part of my lifestyle and not just a "project." 

And sometimes you have to give up more than just bad food choices and on your journey to becoming healthy. So, another thing I have decided to give up is cigarettes. Yes, I see your shocked faces, I admit I am a smoker. Have been most of my life. I started when I was 14, and smoked until I was 20. Quit for ten years (there wasn't one day during that time I didn't want a cigarette), and then started again 16 years ago. 

I'm not going completely cold turkey, I'm weaning myself off with the help of my new little "Bud," an E-cigarette. Dear hubby was thoughtful enough to have a friend pick up one for each of us last week, and we have been gradually buying fewer cigarettes and using our "Bud" to get us through the tough times. And then we're join to drop Bud too, like the post-breakup "rebound" relationship he is. And we're doing it together--and that's a big WIN for BOTH of us!

I know, I know, I hear you saying, "not a good time, you're trying to do too much at once" or "the nicotine is just as bad, don't do the e-cigs either." Please, just bear with me. I really NEED to do it, and I'm doing it NOW. I just want to get the hard stuff all over at once. It's all part of the New Dawn that I want to create, a New Dawn who is closer to the old Dawn, the slender and healthy Dawn, the one without the constant cigarette in her hand. 

For my exercise, I laced up my Nikes, leashed the dog, and hoofed it down through the village about midmorning. We made it to the pier in just under 20 minutes. At the pier, we took a short break to take some pics of all the pretty boats. Then we booked it as fast as we could back through the village to the water tower, and finally circled back to the house. That added another 26 minutes. I think 46 minutes of walking at a good clip earned me another point in the win column! And it was gorgeous!

Then I came home and enjoyed this luscious treat. Here in Placencia they call them an "Ideal" but you might know them as a "Flavor Ice" or a "Freezie." Basically it's a homemade popsicle in a plastic tube instead of on a stick. Full of sugary deliciousness, right?

Only this one wasn't. Remember I mentioned my friend Sabrina gave me some great ideas? I don't do "recipes" per se, that's why my anti-cookbook is going to be called "Shit I Made Up," but here's how you do it. Simply cut up some watermelon, throw it in the blender (seeds and all!) and blend it real good. Strain out the gunk, which leaves a nice, plain watermelon juice, and then pour the juice into the bags, tie the tops, freeze, and WAL-LA! Your own, homemade, HEALTHY frozen treat! You can do this with any kind of fruit, she gave me a watermelon, orange, and sour-sop to try, but the possibilities are endless. 

I thought it would be boring and bland, but it was really, REALLY good. It tasted like it should be off-limits! Sabrina tells me you can buy the bags at any of the little stores here in the village, or use sandwich baggies. I'm going to the store and veggie stands today, and I see a homemade hibiscus juice Freezie in my future soon! Now I have another, much healthier choice for a treat when I feel like something sweet!

And that's it for the day. I know it's a lot, and I'm really trying to keep these posts short, but it's hard on the days I have so much I want to share! Of course, tomorrow's another day, and I will try again! See you then! 

Wednesday - Ended Up A Hump-Tastic Day! (Day 20)

After having a self-pity party on Tuesday, I promised myself that I would find a way to make Wednesday better. I spent a little time re-reading some of the comments and advice that you gave me yesterday (while noshing on some delicious grapes) and I can't thank you all enough for supporting me while I was being such a crybaby and a whiny bitch! 

Then, I gave thanks to the universe that I am still here on this earth, and have been given another day to make a change. I may have ended up with a body that is overweight and out of shape, but thankfully I still have the ability to move. Finally, attitude properly adjusted, I got off my ass and got going.

It was gloriously cooler, thanks to the "cold" front that finally arrived, so I set my timer for a full 30 minutes, and knocked out 39 non-stop trips up and down those ugly-ass stairs! After a two-minute break, I set the timer for another 10 minutes and forced seven more trips. My fat ass was definitely draggin' wagon, but I'll put those 46 trips and 40 minutes in my "win" column! And I started drinking my water during my exercise, which got my entire litre drank and refilled and drank again by lunch-time!

I finally had some good produce in the house, so I decided to make myself some leaf-lettuce wraps with bacon and tomato for lunch. Basically, a BLT sammy without the bread and the mayo. I had no idea what I was doing, but they tasted great even if they weren't "picture pretty." 

Dear hubby finished work early, so we decided to clean up and treat ourselves to dinner out, something we rarely do mid-week. First, we stopped in at Mojo Lounge for happy hour. Erin's adorable staff whipped up a scrumptious "Colada Quivva" for me, made with mostly fruit juices and rum, and we sat on the deck and watched the village life slowly pass by. Then we popped down the street to another one of my favorite places to eat, Secret Garden, for dinner. And damn, am I glad we did. I learned soooo much!

My friend Sabrina owns Secret Garden, and she had invited me to come learn a few "secrets" of hers. Unfortunately I can't tell you ALL that I learned -- it is called "Secret" Garden after all! But I am going to share some of it in tomorrow's post, like how to make a delicious sweet treat that seems sinful, but really isn't, that's a delight especially when it's hot. And Sabrina's crew made me a FANTASTIC shrimp stir-fry, which I enjoyed while dear hubby inhaled his juicy steak and whipped potatoes!

And then a crazy thing happened. Sabrina knows my extreme "fussiness" about food, and my weirdness about textures and meat, my avoidance of gross stuff like skin, shells, tails, or bones. She knows that although I like other seafood, I don't like fish. And she issued me a challenge. She bet me that she could make fish in a way that I would not only eat it, but like it. And I rarely refuse a challenge! But you have to understand that I have tried fish every way imaginable in the nearly two years we have lived in Belize. I truly WANTED to like fish. But I had (as of yesterday) NEVER liked fish. Until she brought out these lovely, thin strips of grouper, lightly breaded and cooked to perfection, with a secret recipe "tartar" sauce. 

And all I could say was: YES! I LIKE IT! I REALLY LIKE IT! 

And then she told me exactly how to prepare it. I'm sorry I can't tell you. I'm just like the dog on the Bush's Baked Beans "secret family recipe" commercial. The one who talks and really wants to share the recipe with everyone. But I can't. 

It IS a secret family recipe after all. But I am so glad that Sabrina is part of MY (Placencia) family and was willing to share with me. 

How easy was that? A friend just said "stop by and I'll share a few things with you." I accepted that invitation and now I have another healthier food choice to add to my toolbox. And that one thing made all the difference in my attitude. 

Already, I feel more positive, optimistic, and ready to take on the world. Sometimes changing someone's entire day is as simple as that. One friend, sharing their knowledge with another, walking a few steps with her on her journey, throwing her a rope when she's drowning, and just being a friend. With friends like that, how can I fail?! 

(See you tomorrow with a delicious sweet treat recipe!)