School's out for summer, and I've been busy playing "mom" again, which has cut into my writing time. But even though I haven't posted for two weeks, I haven't given up on my "lose weight, get healthy" project.
I've been power walking three miles a day, sometimes four, and only taking one day off every fourth or fifth day. A few weeks ago, I added three-pound dumbbells to my walk, doing punches, lifts, and stability movements with the weights for the entire routine.
I've also been charting my exercise stats and my food intake online with MyFitnessPal. Sometimes I forget to record it, but I know I've been consistently "good," still eating clean and staying within my recommended calorie range. In addition, I've been doing more strength training by adding an eight-minute upper body routine with five-pound dumbbells, repeating it three times (24 minutes!) after every walking session.
But I haven't been seeing any change in the way my clothes fit, or the number on the scale.
About a week ago, in a last ditch effort to produce some results, I started doing a "boosted walking" routine. I also pump the three-pound dumbbells the whole time during this new routine, except during the two minute "boosted" segments. And yes, "boosted walking" is exactly what you think it is--it's jogging intervals.
SAY WHAT?! The girl who said she'd NEVER…..
is JOGGING?
Yes. Yes, I am. Because I am just... that… fucking... desperate.
This girl, who used to eat cheesecake for breakfast, is so desperate to lose weight or inches, or see any kind of a change, that she's jogging. Of course, it requires me to wear two sports bras, a regular bra, and a compression tank. It's still extremely uncomfortable, and I still have to hold my "monsters" down, but I am jogging for short intervals every day.
And, drumroll please…… Still no results.
Today, my scale shows 178 pounds. Only down two pounds from my starting weight eleven weeks ago. That's up three pounds from my lowest point. So you say, "But you're gaining muscles, and your clothes must be fitting better!!" No. Not really. Some days, I have been able to tighten up my bra one row of hooks. I can now button the fly of a couple pair of shorts that were a little too snug. But I certainly have not dropped a full size, or any significant weight or inches.
Extreme disappointment and despair are starting to creep in. I didn't expect to be anywhere near my goal by now, but I did expect more than this. I'm killing myself for no results.
I'm not the crying kind of girl, but the tears of frustration start to form even as I write the words "eleven weeks & no results."
Unfortunately, I've done this before. About 18 months after my brain surgery, after gaining 40+ lbs, my neurosurgeon gave me clearance to enroll in a kickboxing & strength training program. I was terrified of getting kicked in the head, but I went religiously 5-6 days a week and followed a strict eating plan for five months.
I lost a disappointing six pounds. I was killing myself, I HATED it, and it wasn't producing results for me even though I was doing everything right. Frustrated with the lack of results, and busy preparing for our move to Belize, I simply gave up. I dumped my workout and nutrition plan like I would a deadbeat husband.
But that experience, and my current lack of results, is partly why I believe something in my body's chemistry or composition changed drastically during (or after) the trauma of my brain surgery. Something, chemically or otherwise, isn't allowing my body to shed the weight I gained during my recovery. I've spent a lot of time researching this subject in the last three years, and it's complicated, but I believe something is not right. Something that simply moving more and eating less is not correcting.
So, I'm going to seek some professional help. In the next couple weeks, I will be traveling to Mexico to see an internist, a specialist who can do some testing to see if there is something "off" in my body. I'm going run the gamut of specialized testing, including levels of insulin, cortisol, iodine, estrogen, testosterone, ferratin, as well as check adrenal gland functions, liver functions, and test for inflammation and immune deficiencies.
I am hoping it will give me some answers. It's a long ways to travel, and a lot of testing to be done, but hopefully, I will discover what is making my body refuse to let go of the pounds and inches.
But my vow to not quit is being severely tested. Everyday I can't help thinking while I exercise, "Why bother? I hate it, it makes me work hard, get sweaty, and still it's not doing anything for me."
I'm pretty unhappy, and if my exercise plan were a man, I'd dump his ass. Right now.
But I'm going to think of the tests as "relationship counseling." It is my hope that these tests, like good counseling, will provide a little light in the dark tunnel of my despair. I will not quit until I find some answers.
And maybe with those answers, my "lose weight, gain health" project and I can find a way to live together harmoniously. But I will not quit until I find some answers. Or get some results. Or die trying.
Yep, that's right, I'm losing it. I should be happy and shouting it from the rooftops. But I'm not shouting. And I'm not exactly happy. For the last two weeks, what I've been losing HASN'T been weight. Or inches.
What I've been slowly losing is my "mojo." I've been losing my drive, my determination, and my "stick-to-itiveness." I'm tired of eating well, and I'm tired of exercising. My enthusiasm is waning fast.
And that's nothing to shout about from the rooftops.
This funk feels strange to me because most of the time, I try to stay upbeat and positive. I rarely rant, and try not to whine. I remind myself every morning when I wake up that I just have to get through this ONE day. All I have to do is just be positive, and just be healthy, just for TODAY.
But right now, I'm SICK of eating healthy food. And I'm frustrated with pushing myself to workout so hard, and enduring all the exercise I despise, only to be disappointed in the (almost nonexistent) results. I'm so tired of drinking water I could vomit. I'm beyond bored with eating so many fruits and vegetables. My midday fatigue is a clue that I am not getting enough carbs or protein, but there is no protein (other than cheese and bacon) that doesn't make me want to retch. And the only carbs I really want come in the form of chocolate chip cookies.
I'm often hungry, but there is not a single piece of (healthy) food that I want to eat anymore. If I see one more salad, one more boring chicken breast, another hot mess of brussel sprouts or pile of fresh asparagus on my dinner plate, I'm gonna throw the whole damn plate at the wall. "Let the dogs have it!" I want to scream, "I don't want the healthy stuff any more! Bring on the Chef Boyardee!"
Since I've been doing this "lose weight, get healthy" project the last two months, it seems all I have done is continued to lose and gain the same five pounds over and over. Five measly pounds hardly seem worth it. I don't look or feel any different - or any better - than when I started. Every day still feels like an uphill battle when it comes to getting motivated to exercise.
And lately, I feel like I'm getting closer to giving up the fight.
Because even though I've been exercising five to seven days a week, and have been quite strict with my eating the last month (even tracking it online), none of it has been enough to make a REAL difference. Five pounds does not make much of a dent when you want, and need, to lose closer to forty or fifty.
As I sit here eating baby carrots while I type, I want to puke just looking at their glowing orange "goodness." All I can think of is how much better they would taste if they were drenched in Hidden Valley Ranch dressing. I have to push down my sudden desire for a two or three big slices of greasy pepperoni pizza drowning in melty mozzarella and parmesan cheeses.
I have to ignore my subconscious, which is crying out for a massive plate of carb-filled spaghetti with double-meat mushroom sauce, accompanied by huge slices of garlic cheesy bread. And I have to chastise my inner child, who has been begging for a double scoop of Tutti Fruitti's crunchy vanilla gelato and a piece of chocolate cake from the Secret Garden restaurant for weeks.
Yes, I know it's ALL "bad" for me, but it's all I want. Sadly, I can only stuff another baby carrot in my mouth and wipe my bottom lip before the drool (created by thinking about my other decadent desires) can escape.
It's all I can do to promise myself I will not quit.
But I must vow to not ruin this small amount of progress I have made. I will follow through with what I've started. And I can take solace in the knowledge that someday, somehow, I will get healthy and I will lose weight.
Did you hear me, you goddamn hateful, stinking "lose weight, get healthy" project? I am telling you I WILL NOT QUIT! You are stuck with me, as I am stuck with you.
I will not quit.
And someday….. I will win.
Hopefully that someday will kick in sooner rather than later. I just got the news that my friends have set a date for their special event, and I will be returning to Iowa in September to be there for them. I am thrilled and so excited to be able to share in their special day.
But I am also terrified that I still won't have made any progress by then. According to the internet, their date is only 120 days from today.
I know I have my work cut out for me. I have four months, a mere 120 days, to make some serious progress. I guess I better go out and get started. I'm gonna go take a walk, and take some time to look for my mojo. Maybe I can find my "stick-to-itiveness" while I'm out there as well. Wish me luck!
It's been a week since I last wrote, and the fall-out from strep throat has really been kicking my butt. But I've still been exercising and doing my best to eat right so I hopped on the scale this morning, and I'm down another pound! That's a five pound total in the last two weeks - woo hoo!!! I'm excited!
In my last post, I talked about my challenges with finding foods that are both healthy and appealing to me. Today, I have to divulge that I also have some challenges with finding exercise activities that work for me. And I know it might be hard to believe, but I'm almost as picky about my activity as I am about my food!
One activity that I actually do like is power walking, both indoors and out. What I really love is to do is take the dog along on a hard, fast power walk through the village, especially in the morning, because as I always say, a tired dog is a good dog! But a new morning commitment and our tropical temps heating up have put a damper on that, at least until the school year ends.
Fortunately, I have been finding some really good videos on YouTube, and most recently have been doing Leslie Sansone's "Walk Away the Pounds" series at home later in the evening. I also like to do low-impact cardio and moderate weight or strength training activities using small dumbbells.
I've found I like the Jillian Michaels "30-Day Shred" and "Ripped in 30" series, which are pretty low impact, at least on "Level 1." Even though I find Jillian's harsh, gravelly voice annoying, and I don't really like her "drill sergeant" manner, the workouts are challenging without being beyond my capabilities, and I can modify the moves I can't (or won't) do.
Another activity that I do enjoy is dancing, including Latin-style and Zumba, and I've found a few interesting videos, but so far I haven't found one that I'm coordinated enough to do. I'm going to keep trying them, though, because dancing makes me happy. And if I can ever get my brain to direct my body properly to get the moves, I'm gonna rock that dance floor!
But I do have some other challenges that affect what I can or can't do for exercise. I have a chronic condition caused by an old repetitive injury (and not helped by diet or exercise) called "costochondritis." Basically, it's like having intermittent and recurring inflammation in the cartilage between the ribs and the sternum, a type of "chest-wall arthritis." It's pretty manageable, but repetitive twisting of my ribcage or excessive weight-lifting exercises (like chest "flys") can exacerbate the condition, causing a great deal of later discomfort. It's not debilitating, but I do have to be mindful that some of the exercises (on any given program) may cause me chest pain afterwards, and decide for myself whether I want to endure it.
I also have a few things I simply won't do. I won't work out on a beach--I just don't want to get that sweaty and dirty in the sand, or ruin my clothes or (only pair of) tennis shoes. I absolutely hate kickboxing, even though I did it religiously for almost six months one spring and summer. I also simply won't hop, skip, or jump. I refuse to do burpees, jumping jacks, or box jumps. And I'm never going to jog or run. Dear hubby and I recently had a conversation about this subject, and he said, "You're never going to jog or run, are you?"
This was my answer, "Imagine your balls weighed twenty pounds each and were strapped to your chest with wires and elastic so tight you can't breath--but they still bounce. HARD and HEAVY. Now imagine running or jogging, and bouncing around like that. You tell me, you gonna jump up and down? Or run or jog? Or just walk?"
If you've seen the size of my "girls," you would understand why the bounce hurts so much. Believe me when I say I seriously cannot find a sports bra that doesn't allow the "girls" to bounce, or make the bounce not hurt like hell. I've tried wearing two or three sports bras at a time--with no success. I've even tried compression tanks over the sports bras to no avail. And we haven't even got to the part where I tell you that bouncing and running also hurts my ankles and my knees.
Maybe I'll change my mind if I ever get smaller, but as of right now, jumping, bouncing, jogging and running, are definitely on the "won't list." And that's why power walking almost always wins out on my exercise plan right now. It's what's working for me currently, and has worked for me in the past. I would like to do some more strength training, and am enjoying the Jillian Michaels videos occasionally.
But for now, I am happy that cleaning up what I'm eating--IN ADDITION to excercise--is what seems to have made a difference. I may be making baby steps, but those baby steps are finally starting to make a difference! And I'm going to keep going, even if I have to crawl.
I'm including links below to the videos I am doing most often. Please believe me when I say if I can do them (me: a 46-year-old, out of shape, exercise hating, bulging and rolling fat cow, with lots of health issues, who refuses to run or jump) YOU can too!! See you soon!
Forgive me for my absence. A case of strep throat, and my tummy's bad reaction to the medication, had me sidelined me for a few days. But I'm on the mend, and finishing up this post after starting it last Thursday. As I mentioned in my last entry, I'm getting serious about making some real progress with my "lose weight, gain health" project.
With that goal in mind, I've been tweaking my food choices, cutting out processed foods, drinking nearly three liters of water most days, and trying to do cardio and/or strength training every day. But the hardest part for me is eating better and dealing with "my wills & my wont's." What are my "wills & my wont's"? Well, they're the things I will and won't eat. You see, I have a few food phobias which makes eating healthy challenging for me.
Ok, I admit it, I don't just have "a few," I have a LOT of wacky food issues. I am an extremely picky eater, have been all my life.
My parents' favorite story about me as a toddler was about trying to get me to eat mashed potatoes. They'd cram a spoonful in my mouth, and then close my mouth so I couldn't spit them out. But I repeatedly refused to swallow them. They even tried slipping me something to drink, thinking it would all wash down together. To their surprise, I would swallow the liquid, only to stick out my tongue and still have the potatoes sitting there.
As I got older, my parents realized trying to get me to eat what I didn't like was futile. But like many families, if I didn't eat what was served I didn't get anything else either. As a result, I often went hungry, but I didn't care. I learned to go without food with no problem. I simply wasn't going to eat what I didn't like, even if that meant not eating anything at all. And it's an ingrained habit I still struggle with to this day.
So let me give you a few examples of my "wills and won'ts" so you can understand my challenge. I have an issue with freshness, or a lack thereof, especially with fruits and veggies. I won't eat anything that's too ripe, blemished, overly bruised, questionably "old," or limp. Anything not at the peak of perfection, or not fresh and crisp, or even slightly wilted is simply out of the question. I may want it, and I may even buy it. But I can guarantee you if it's even the least bit questionable, it will rot in on the counter or in the crisper drawer before I'll ever eat it.
But it gets worse. I also won't eat leftovers, and I don't like food that has been prepared ahead, refrigerated or frozen, and then reheated. Unless it's meatloaf, chili, or McDonalds! But I won't eat cold foods that have gotten warm. Or hot foods that have gotten cold.
I'm a complete freak, I know. But wait, there's more……..
I also have issues with textures. I don't like foods that are mushy or squishy or slimy or stinky. I'll pass on most puddings, yogurts, custards, or cream fillings. I also won't eat bananas unless they are just barely ripe. And I can live without mango, papaya, kiwi, etc. Furthermore, I can't even begin to get excited about fruit or veggie smoothies like everyone else. To be honest, I find smoothies unappealing and the idea of "drinking your food" a little disturbing. And don't even get me going about seaweed shakes. Seriously, who eats (or drinks) weeds that grow on the ocean floor?
All of the above? Definitely "won'ts." But that's not all…….
I'm also extremely fussy about meat. Any meat (other than ground beef) has to be as "clean and stripped" as possible. I won't eat any meat that has a bone in it, like chicken wings, ribs, or pork chops. And fish? Well, fish is just slimy, stinky mush that makes me sick to my stomach. I also get especially nauseous at the taste of any fat, sinew, tendon, gristle, the smallest bone, or (god forbid!) skin or scales. Which is why I never order meat or fish in a restaurant. Ever. I learned the hard way.
Ironically, I'm not a vegetarian, and I will eat some meat at home, such as lean beef tenderloin, or pork, turkey, and chicken as long as it is lean, boneless, and skinless. And I do love corn-fed, farm-raised, (steroid-filled!) Iowa ground beef. It's divine when grilled about as rare as can be with some cheese and dill pickles.
Heck, I even used to eat raw hamburger with just a little salt, although I wouldn't do that here in Belize.
Strangely enough, I love and will eat seafood, like shrimp and lobster, as long as done well and it's completely deveined and "de-shelled." And I will eat conch if it's chopped up small and mixed in other things, (like ceviche or fritters). And I will even eat some kinds of sushi! But when I do eat meat or seafood, if it's not prepared absolutely near-perfect, I'm done. Sadly, I've gradually found myself becoming an unintentional, "almost" vegetarian the last few years.
So what does that leave me to eat, or what am I eating if I'm not eating processed junk? Well, mostly more veggies, such as broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, tomatoes, avocados, onions, cucumbers, and lots of lettuce salads. For my fats, I've been using real butter, olive and coconut oil, tossing in the black olives wherever I can, and adding a little ranch dressing or real mayo occasionally.
I've also added a crap-ton of fruit lately, something I used to limit for fear of the carbs and sugars. I especially like watermelon, pineapple, cantaloupe, strawberries, green apples, and green grapes. I've been doing some reading, and I've decided I need to let go of the idea that natural carbs and sugars are "bad." So, if it's a whole or "natural" sugar or carb and my body wants it, I'm going to have it (within reason).
I also tend to lack in the protein department since I won't eat much meat, so I've been eating a lot of hard boiled egg whites. (Yolks are a definite "won't" so the dogs get those!) I've also been eating nuts, cheddar & mozzarella cheese, beans I cook myself, bacon with tomato in "lettuce wraps," and I've been making boneless, skinless chicken breasts in different ways.
So what's changed is that, basically if it's pre-packaged or has to have a bona-fide "government" nutrition label on it, I'm not eating it. I'm mostly just eating better food, listening to what my body wants, and only eating whole and NATURAL foods.
And here's the REAL deal, my friends. As of today, even though I haven't felt well enough to exercise much, I've lost FOUR pounds! Amazing.
But I gotta be honest. Given the chance, I'd still eat a Big Mac and an extra large fries, or a foot-long BMT at Subway in a heartbeat. Or some rare and juicy, steroid-laden, antibiotic-filled (but tastes-oh-so good!) Iowa ground beef on a big poppy-seed bun, slathered in dill pickles, cheese, ketchup and mustard. It's what my body still craves, even two years removed. It's a good thing we don't have any of that here in Placencia, because I love that shit. But not eating crap, and cutting out anything that isn't whole or natural, is what is finally allowing me some progress.
So even though I say it grudgingly, thank you, Belize, for not having fast food.
And there it is, just a small sample of my "wills and wont's." I know, I know, I'm a complete wacko when it comes to food. It's just the way I roll.
Surely I can't be the only one whose food phobias make it hard to eat "clean" and healthy. Or am I?
And if you think this was weirdly fun, just wait until the next post, which is going to be even better! I'm going to share my list of my Do's and my Don'ts! See you soon!
Over a decade ago, a radical white rapper released a "comeback" song that soon became one of my favorite, albeit rather raunchy, songs. It also became our party-boating anthem for the summer. You may remember the track that started out, "Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside....."
And now that you've got that little lyrical brain worm stuck in your head, let's go a little further in the song, where the rapper asks, "Guess who's back, back again?" and then exclaims, "Get ready, 'cuz this shit's about to get heavy!" I always sang that line at the top of my lungs!
So just what do these decade-old, rap lyrics have to do with my New Dawn project? In a nutshell, the song was a bold, brazen statement to that world stating not only was the rapper making a big comeback, he was going to work harder, take his work more seriously, and be better than ever. He was about to kick some proverbial ass, and anyone who didn't like that could "kiss his."
In other words, "this shit's about to get heavy!"
And that sentiment fits perfectly with how I feel right now. Because after talking to two of our very best friends a couple days ago, my New Dawn project is taking on a whole new seriousness. After more than 35 days with little results, my "lose weight, gain health" project is about to get cranked up a notch or two.
Because our friends are planning a big event in a few months. They are not sure of the exact date but it may be as early as late summer or early fall, and we have been invited to return back to our hometown to participate in a very big way. So sometime later this year, we will be returning to Cedar Rapids for a short visit! I cannot be happier or more excited to see our friends and to be a part of their happy occasion.
But here's the really big deal. Yep, it's still me, I'm still the same big, fat cow I was 35 days ago. But I REALLY want to look good, and feel good, by the time of their event. Or at least better than I do now. And of course, I wouldn't mind looking nice in whatever outfit I need to wear for this event. For them, certainly, but mostly for myself.
No, scratch that. I don't wan't to just look good, I want to knock their goddamn socks off. I want to look and FEEL smokin' hot!
Which means that means I have only a short time, maybe three or four months, a measly 90-120 days (or maybe a little more depending on the date they choose), to make some serious progress.
Because I don't want to be the same fat cow I was when I left Iowa almost two years ago. I want to be the (more) slender, fit, healthy friend I used to be, the one who looks presentable and feels great. Not the easily tired, sweaty, chubby mensch who has continued to let herself go, even after being given the opportunity to live a healthy lifestyle, time and time again.
By the time we make this anxiously-awaited trip, I don't want to be a "trailer park girl going round the outside, round the outside." I want to be the girl I know is there on the INSIDE, the one who is lean(er), thin(er), health(ier), and thrilled to participate in their happy event. But I want do it while feeling and looking good.
Some of you may say "just eat right, add activity, drink your water, and the weight loss will follow." Well I've tried that, but in the last 35+ days, despite working hard, nothing has changed. I've always been clear with myself that this project was to lose weight AND gain health. But so far, adding activity five or six days a week, drinking more water, and eliminating a few "bad" foods hasn't been enough to begin to change my body. It's become painfully clear that I'm going to have to alter and/or limit my food choices, and start really kicking some ass with my exercise.
And maybe even eliminate my beloved Watermelon Bliss for awhile.
Oh, the horror! The thought of my world without Watermelon Bliss is a bleak one. Whoever said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" has never been to the Barefoot Beach Bar, have they?
And so, as the old Slim Shady (AKA Eminem) would say, this shit's about to get heavy. Or, as part of the song's chorus states, "Now this looks like a job for me, so everybody just follow me! Cause we need a little controversy!"
Stay tuned for more discussion about my plans to kick things up a notch, and discussions on what I can and can't do to start seriously changing my body. (Or, subscribe with the button on the right if you don't want to miss a thing!)
As I've said before, I will not give up, but now I'm even more determined than before. So much so that I even made time to exercise BEFORE my beloved Sunday Funday began yesterday! Yes, I even exercised on my "free" day!! Miracle? No. Determination? Yes.This shit's about to get heavy? Yes.
But hopefully, god-willing, with a lot of hard work, this shit (of a girl) is about to get UN-heavy!
If you've been reading along, you know a little bit about my self-improvement project and my quest to become a more fit, healthier "New Dawn," and my desire to hopefully become less of a fat cow in the process. You probably know that towards the end of the month, thanks to Holy (Party) Week, I started to fall off the "healthy me" wagon in small ways. And since I haven't written anything since Monday, you may have been wondering where I've been or what I've been doing the last few days. Or, maybe not. Maybe you just assumed I had given up.
I haven't given up, and I've still been working hard, even though I haven't been writing about it. I needed a break from posting every single day, partly because it was starting to feel like a full-time job. But mostly, because I needed a few days to think about how I feel about my progress over the last 30 days.
I've decided it doesn't matter whether someone is wondering where I've been or not. This journey, and blogging about it, is as much for me as it is for anyone else. But even if there aren't a lot of people following along, I know there must be at least one of you out there who wants to know my results, and if so, this post is just for YOU!
So settle in and get comfy, because this one's gonna be longer and more in-depth than previous posts. I'm going to completely overshare today, summarize what has happened so far, and talk about my plans from this point forward.
Here's what's happened in the first 30 days: I started exercising regularly, at least 30 minutes or more 5-6 days a week. I've struggled with finding a type of exercise I like, and have been rotating between power walking with the dog, climbing my stairs at the house, enduring the hated P90X dvds, and even counted swimming and dancing once or twice. I'm still searching for an exercise I like, but I've forced myself to do something, anything, rather than continue sit on my ass and feel unhappy.
In addition, I gradually started drinking more water each day, and decreased the amount of coffee and plain iced tea I was drinking. I've now worked my way up to drinking at least two liters of water (or more) a day. I gave up sodas and other drinks long before I started this challenge, although I do still have an unsweetened iced tea occasionally. However, on my "Fundays" or the occasional happy hour at the Barefoot, I do still indulge in a couple Watermelon Bliss! Because after all, what is life without Bliss? It's no life at all in my book!
I started trying to be more mindful about what I'm eating and trying to control my portions. I am not following a particular eating plan, or eliminating any particular food group, or even "dieting" per se. I had already eliminated breads two years ago, solving my issues with frequent heartburn. And I have added a ton more fruits and veggies, salads, chicken breasts, beans, and even a little fish (yuk!), started preparing more healthy meals, and cooking at home more regularly.
In addition, I've tried to remind myself to eat at more regular intervals, try to eat something in the mornings, and be mindful of not letting myself get so hungry that I overeat when I do finally remember to eat. And, I've stopped allowing myself a "junk snack" or other treats, especially in the evenings. For the last month, my snacks have mostly been nuts, raisins, fruit, or cheese, except for the one slip-up with the Grandma's cookie early on!
And so the big question is, after 30 days, what are the results?
I have noticed a big increase in my stamina, the distance I can walk, the number of times I can climb my stairs before I think I'm going to die, and how long I can do cardio workouts. The scary pounding in my head when I exert myself is gone, and I no longer worry about blowing out the patch-job in my brain--I'm pretty sure now it's gonna hold!
And motivating myself to exercise every day is becoming more of a habit, even though I still haven't fallen in love with any one form of exercising. In addition, I've noticed that I am not as wiped out after exercising, although my body seems to be hungrier. Burning more calories seems to be making my body cry out for me to eat more. And that's a bit of a catch-22.
To my disappointment, as of Wednesday (my 34th day) I am only down a measly two pounds. I've been as low as four pounds down, but I have continued to lose and gain back the same three or four pounds.
I've been monitoring my blood pressure, which continues to run in the high-end of being controlled, normal for me, despite continuing to take prescription medication twice a day. Ironically, my heart rate has continued to run quite far below normal range, which is historically "normal" for me, but not necessarily a good thing medically speaking. Of course, I have not changed or stopped the prescriptions I take for other issues, including thyroid meds, hormones, and allergy pills.
I have to admit I am really conflicted. On the plus side, it is becoming easier to force myself to exercise and keep moving throughout the day. I'm sleeping harder, waking up earlier, and becoming functional faster each day. My stamina and endurance seem to be gradually improving, even though my blood pressure and heart rate are not. And I am eating better foods, less sugar, less junk, and few processed foods, than I have in a long time.
On the "con" side, I still haven't found an exercise I truly enjoy, although I did find some walk-at-home and yoga routines on YouTube that seem promising. And my knees, ankles, and chest still give me a lot of protest if I attempt anything that is even moderately medium or high impact. And I'm disappointed that I'm seeing no change in the way my clothes fit. My "before" and "after" pictures look exactly the same (posted below for you to see if you want), and the scale has barely moved.
So, where do I go from here?
Well, I just keep going forward, my friend. Onward and upward.
It's the only thing I know how to do. Not quit. It's the one thing I do best.
So I will keep pushing and fighting and kicking and screaming until finally, someday, somehow, something--anything--changes.
I will keep challenging myself, and pushing myself, and fighting for myself until I succeed. Until being healthy and fit is second nature.
And keep writing about it here, maybe not every day, but frequently for sure. And I hope you'll stick around for the party I'm gonna have the day that I can rock this swimsuit like I used to!! See you soon!
BEFORE (Left Side) DAY 35 (Right Side)
Saturday I officially hit the 30-day mark in my "New Dawn" project, but I found myself too busy to even sit down and process my thoughts or write about my progress. In the spirit of celebrating Easter in Placencia, and keeping the "Holy Week" party going, we had spontaneously invited some friends over for a grilling feast on Easter Sunday, and I had a ton of work to do to get things ready for our guests to arrive.
I spent the first half of the day on Saturday in a cooking frenzy, making ahead everything I could. Then I spent the rest of the day sweeping, washing floors, scrubbing the kitchen & bathrooms, changing sheets, doing laundry, and getting the outdoor kitchen and our "UnderWhere?" Bar cleaned up. Since many weight-loss articles I have read claim that sweeping, dusting, and mopping floors burns calories, I decided all the cleaning would have to count as my exercise for the day. I simply didn't have time for anything else, and the number of times I ran up and down the stairs getting things done had added up to a lot, I was sure!
Sunday was hot but gorgeous (again), and we got the party started a little early when some friends showed up with some delicious chilled mimosas. Then the feast was on! Dear hubby was in charge of the grill, basting and cooking up pound after pound of juicy chicken. It turned into a real party when more and more people just kept showing up with more delicious food. In addition to about ten or twelve pounds of barbecued chicken, we ended up with grilled pork chops, "naked" wings, hot dogs, potato salad, cajun deviled eggs, toasted ciabatta bread, coleslaw, pasta salad, steamed broccoli & carrots, spanish rice, watermelon, and a fresh key lime pie complete with Cool Whip!
It was a feast fit for a king, and everyone definitely ate like royalty. Except for me, believe it or not! I was actually a "good" girl!
I chose a little of each of the rice, coleslaw, veggies, watermelon, a couple deviled eggs, and ciabatta bread. But I was mindful of my choices, and kept the portions small. And even though I don't eat chicken (unless it's boneless, skinless, and sauceless), I didn't overindulge in any one other thing either. I sampled a little of each thing I wanted, but I wasn't overly full, and still felt happy and satisfied. And luckily for me, since I don't care for key lime pie, I wasn't even tempted by the beautiful dessert, even though dear hubby and "E" said it was delicious.
I can't say that I did any specific exercise on Sunday, but since it was technically Sunday Funday in addition to being a holiday, I decided to let myself off the hook. I did allow myself a couple of mimosas, and one rum drink with watermelon juice, but I spaced them out throughout the entire afternoon and evening instead of guzzling them hand over fist like I did on Friday. And at the end of the day, I considered the number of trips I made up and down the stairs, and all the steps I took while tending to our guests, and decided they would at least help balance out the empty calories.
I have a lot of thoughts about reaching the end of my 30-day project, but I will have to share them with you tomorrow and the next day, because even though it's a Monday, there is still one more day left to celebrate Easter (at least in Placencia)! See you then!
