Get Ready, 'Cuz This Sh*t's About To Get Heavy!!

Over a decade ago, a radical white rapper released a "comeback" song that soon became one of my favorite, albeit rather raunchy, songs. It also became our party-boating anthem for the summer. You may remember the track that started out, "Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside....." 

And now that you've got that little lyrical brain worm stuck in your head, let's go a little further in the song, where the rapper asks, "Guess who's back, back again?" and then exclaims, "Get ready, 'cuz this shit's about to get heavy!" I always sang that line at the top of my lungs!

So just what do these decade-old, rap lyrics have to do with my New Dawn project? In a nutshell, the song was a bold, brazen statement to that world stating not only was the rapper making a big comeback, he was going to work harder, take his work more seriously, and be better than ever. He was about to kick some proverbial ass, and anyone who didn't like that could "kiss his." 

In other words, "this shit's about to get heavy!" 

And that sentiment fits perfectly with how I feel right now. Because after talking to two of our very best friends a couple days ago, my New Dawn project is taking on a whole new seriousness. After more than 35 days with little results, my "lose weight, gain health" project is about to get cranked up a notch or two. 

Because our friends are planning a big event in a few months. They are not sure of the exact date but it may be as early as late summer or early fall, and we have been invited to return back to our hometown to participate in a very big way. So sometime later this year, we will be returning to Cedar Rapids for a short visit! I cannot be happier or more excited to see our friends and to be a part of their happy occasion. 

But here's the really big deal. Yep, it's still me, I'm still the same big, fat cow I was 35 days ago. But I REALLY want to look good, and feel good, by the time of their event. Or at least better than I do now. And of course, I wouldn't mind looking nice in whatever outfit I need to wear for this event. For them, certainly, but mostly for myself. 

No, scratch that. I don't wan't to just look good, I want to knock their goddamn socks off. I want to look and FEEL smokin' hot!

Which means that means I have only a short time, maybe three or four months, a measly 90-120 days (or maybe a little more depending on the date they choose), to make some serious progress.  

Because I don't want to be the same fat cow I was when I left Iowa almost two years ago. I want to be the (more) slender, fit, healthy friend I used to be, the one who looks presentable and feels great. Not the easily tired, sweaty, chubby mensch who has continued to let herself go, even after being given the opportunity to live a healthy lifestyle, time and time again.

By the time we make this anxiously-awaited trip, I don't want to be a "trailer park girl going round the outside, round the outside." I want to be the girl I know is there on the INSIDE, the one who is lean(er), thin(er), health(ier), and thrilled to participate in their happy event. But I want do it while feeling and looking good. 

Some of you may say "just eat right, add activity, drink your water, and the weight loss will follow." Well I've tried that, but in the last 35+ days, despite working hard, nothing has changed. I've always been clear with myself that this project was to lose weight AND gain health. But so far, adding activity five or six days a week, drinking more water, and eliminating a few "bad" foods hasn't been enough to begin to change my body. It's become painfully clear that I'm going to have to alter and/or limit my food choices, and start really kicking some ass with my exercise. 

And maybe even eliminate my beloved Watermelon Bliss for awhile.  

Oh, the horror! The thought of my world without Watermelon Bliss is a bleak one. Whoever said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" has never been to the Barefoot Beach Bar, have they? 

And so, as the old Slim Shady (AKA Eminem) would say, this shit's about to get heavy. Or, as part of the song's chorus states, "Now this looks like a job for me, so everybody just follow me! Cause we need a little controversy!" 

Stay tuned for more discussion about my plans to kick things up a notch, and discussions on what I can and can't do to start seriously changing my body. (Or, subscribe with the button on the right if you don't want to miss a thing!) 

As I've said before, I will not give up, but now I'm even more determined than before. So much so that I even made time to exercise BEFORE my beloved Sunday Funday began yesterday! Yes, I even exercised on my "free" day!! Miracle? No. Determination? Yes.This shit's about to get heavy? Yes. 

But hopefully, god-willing, with a lot of hard work, this shit (of a girl) is about to get UN-heavy!

Holy Week is Over, Holy Fat Cow is Not. The First 30 Days (& Days 32-34)

If you've been reading along, you know a little bit about my self-improvement project and my quest to become a more fit, healthier "New Dawn," and my desire to hopefully become less of a fat cow in the process. You probably know that towards the end of the month, thanks to Holy (Party) Week, I started to fall off the "healthy me" wagon in small ways. And since I haven't written anything since Monday, you may have been wondering where I've been or what I've been doing the last few days. Or, maybe not. Maybe you just assumed I had given up. 

I haven't given up, and I've still been working hard, even though I haven't been writing about it. I needed a break from posting every single day, partly because it was starting to feel like a full-time job. But mostly, because I needed a few days to think about how I feel about my progress over the last 30 days. 

I've decided it doesn't matter whether someone is wondering where I've been or not. This journey, and blogging about it, is as much for me as it is for anyone else. But even if there aren't a lot of people following along, I know there must be at least one of you out there who wants to know my results, and if so, this post is just for YOU! 

So settle in and get comfy, because this one's gonna be longer and more in-depth than previous posts. I'm going to completely overshare today, summarize what has happened so far, and talk about my plans from this point forward.

Here's what's happened in the first 30 days: I started exercising regularly, at least 30 minutes or more 5-6 days a week. I've struggled with finding a type of exercise I like, and have been rotating between power walking with the dog, climbing my stairs at the house, enduring the hated P90X dvds, and even counted swimming and dancing once or twice. I'm still searching for an exercise I like, but I've forced myself to do something, anything, rather than continue sit on my ass and feel unhappy.

In addition, I gradually started drinking more water each day, and decreased the amount of coffee and plain iced tea I was drinking. I've now worked my way up to drinking at least two liters of water (or more) a day. I gave up sodas and other drinks long before I started this challenge, although I do still have an unsweetened iced tea occasionally. However, on my "Fundays" or the occasional happy hour at the Barefoot, I do still indulge in a couple Watermelon Bliss! Because after all, what is life without Bliss? It's no life at all in my book!

I started trying to be more mindful about what I'm eating and trying to control my portions. I am not following a particular eating plan, or eliminating any particular food group, or even "dieting" per se. I had already eliminated breads two years ago, solving my issues with frequent heartburn. And I have added a ton more fruits and veggies, salads, chicken breasts, beans, and even a little fish (yuk!), started preparing more healthy meals, and cooking at home more regularly. 

In addition, I've tried to remind myself to eat at more regular intervals, try to eat something in the mornings, and be mindful of not letting myself get so hungry that I overeat when I do finally remember to eat. And, I've stopped allowing myself a "junk snack" or other treats, especially in the evenings. For the last month, my snacks have mostly been nuts, raisins, fruit, or cheese, except for the one slip-up with the Grandma's cookie early on!  

And so the big question is, after 30 days, what are the results? 

I have noticed a big increase in my stamina, the distance I can walk, the number of times I can climb my stairs before I think I'm going to die, and how long I can do cardio workouts. The scary pounding in my head when I exert myself is gone, and I no longer worry about blowing out the patch-job in my brain--I'm pretty sure now it's gonna hold!  

And motivating myself to exercise every day is becoming more of a habit, even though I still haven't fallen in love with any one form of exercising. In addition, I've noticed that I am not as wiped out after exercising, although my body seems to be hungrier. Burning more calories seems to be making my body cry out for me to eat more. And that's a bit of a catch-22.

To my disappointment, as of Wednesday (my 34th day) I am only down a measly two pounds. I've been as low as four pounds down, but I have continued to lose and gain back the same three or four pounds. 

I've been monitoring my blood pressure, which continues to run in the high-end of being controlled, normal for me, despite continuing to take prescription medication twice a day. Ironically, my heart rate has continued to run quite far below normal range, which is historically "normal" for me, but not necessarily a good thing medically speaking. Of course, I have not changed or stopped the prescriptions I take for other issues, including thyroid meds, hormones, and allergy pills. 

I have to admit I am really conflicted. On the plus side, it is becoming easier to force myself to exercise and keep moving throughout the day. I'm sleeping harder, waking up earlier, and becoming functional faster each day. My stamina and endurance seem to be gradually improving, even though my blood pressure and heart rate are not. And I am eating better foods, less sugar, less junk, and few processed foods, than I have in a long time. 

On the "con" side, I still haven't found an exercise I truly enjoy, although I did find some walk-at-home and yoga routines on YouTube that seem promising. And my knees, ankles, and chest still give me a lot of protest if I attempt anything that is even moderately medium or high impact. And I'm disappointed that I'm seeing no change in the way my clothes fit. My "before" and "after" pictures look exactly the same (posted below for you to see if you want), and the scale has barely moved.  

So, where do I go from here? 

Well, I just keep going forward, my friend. Onward and upward. 

It's the only thing I know how to do. Not quit. It's the one thing I do best. 

So I will keep pushing and fighting and kicking and screaming until finally, someday, somehow, something--anything--changes. 

I will keep challenging myself, and pushing myself, and fighting for myself until I succeed. Until being healthy and fit is second nature. 

And keep writing about it here, maybe not every day, but frequently for sure. And I hope you'll stick around for the party I'm gonna have the day that I can rock this swimsuit like I used to!! See you soon!


 BEFORE (Left Side)                                   DAY 35 (Right Side)

            

   

     

 

Will Holy Week Ever End? Saturday & Sunday, Days 30 & 31

Saturday I officially hit the 30-day mark in my "New Dawn" project, but I found myself too busy to even sit down and process my thoughts or write about my progress. In the spirit of celebrating Easter in Placencia, and keeping the "Holy Week" party going, we had spontaneously invited some friends over for a grilling feast on Easter Sunday, and I had a ton of work to do to get things ready for our guests to arrive. 

I spent the first half of the day on Saturday in a cooking frenzy, making ahead everything I could. Then I spent the rest of the day sweeping, washing floors, scrubbing the kitchen & bathrooms, changing sheets, doing laundry, and getting the outdoor kitchen and our "UnderWhere?" Bar cleaned up. Since many weight-loss articles I have read claim that sweeping, dusting, and mopping floors burns calories, I decided all the cleaning would have to count as my exercise for the day. I simply didn't have time for anything else, and the number of times I ran up and down the stairs getting things done had added up to a lot, I was sure!

Sunday was hot but gorgeous (again), and we got the party started a little early when some friends showed up with some delicious chilled mimosas. Then the feast was on! Dear hubby was in charge of the grill, basting and cooking up pound after pound of juicy chicken. It turned into a real party when more and more people just kept showing up with more delicious food. In addition to about ten or twelve pounds of barbecued chicken, we ended up with grilled pork chops, "naked" wings, hot dogs, potato salad, cajun deviled eggs, toasted ciabatta bread, coleslaw, pasta salad, steamed broccoli & carrots, spanish rice, watermelon, and a fresh key lime pie complete with Cool Whip! 

It was a feast fit for a king, and everyone definitely ate like royalty. Except for me, believe it or not! I was actually a "good" girl! 

I chose a little of each of the rice, coleslaw, veggies, watermelon, a couple deviled eggs, and ciabatta bread. But I was mindful of my choices, and kept the portions small. And even though I don't eat chicken (unless it's boneless, skinless, and sauceless), I didn't overindulge in any one other thing either. I sampled a little of each thing I wanted, but I wasn't overly full, and still felt happy and satisfied. And luckily for me, since I don't care for key lime pie, I wasn't even tempted by the beautiful dessert, even though dear hubby and "E" said it was delicious. 

I can't say that I did any specific exercise on Sunday, but since it was technically Sunday Funday in addition to being a holiday, I decided to let myself off the hook. I did allow myself a couple of mimosas, and one rum drink with watermelon juice, but I spaced them out throughout the entire afternoon and evening instead of guzzling them hand over fist like I did on Friday. And at the end of the day, I considered the number of trips I made up and down the stairs, and all the steps I took while tending to our guests, and decided they would at least help balance out the empty calories. 

I have a lot of thoughts about reaching the end of my 30-day project, but I will have to share them with you tomorrow and the next day, because even though it's a Monday, there is still one more day left to celebrate Easter (at least in Placencia)!  See you then! 

"Holy" Thursday? "Good" Friday? Oh, Holy Badness (Days 28 & 29)

The Easter holiday is celebrated in a big way in Belize, with much of the celebrations similar to week-long "spring break" parties. The so-called "Holy Week" kicks off early in Placencia with everyone starting the party on Thursday, and I was tempted to just take the day off and enjoy the celebrations. I wasn't feeling very motivated, especially since I had been feeling discouraged with my lack of progress. But I was determined to keep going, and somehow I dug deep and found the will to exercise. 

Wanting to change things up a bit and add a little more cardio, I dug out the hated P90X "Plyometrics" dvd and popped it in the blu-ray player. It's the most challenging set of exercises for me, but I managed to keep up for the first 38 minutes before I had to take a break for a few minutes, and then managed another 10 minutes. It seemed like the longest 48 minutes of my life, but I was happy that I slogged through it as best I could, and earned myself another point in the "win" column. 

Good Friday dawned sunny, hot, and beautiful. Since many of our friends were off work and celebrating the holiday, we joined them for a day cruise on the Placencia Princess, our local party boat. We had so much fun, dancing on the upper deck on the long boat ride to the island, swimming for hours at Robert's Caye, and dancing even more on the return trip, but sadly, that was all the exercise I did Friday.

Unfortunately, I fell off the "healthy me" wagon, and got dragged behind it for a few miles too.   

Yes, I admit it. I was actually very bad. I didn't exercise at all, unless dancing and swimming counts. Or if trying to hold my drink above water while the waves crashed around me can be considered exercise. I also consumed a lot of alcoholic calories and indulged myself with several, terribly delicious cigarettes. And I didn't care. I was having FUN! And it felt sooooo good to be so bad! 

The tailgate on my wagon was already a little loose, and the siren song of orange juice, vodka, and Pall Malls was too strong to resist. And once the tailgate fell free, I jumped with abandon, happily and unapologetically, off the wagon. Screwdriver in one hand and cigarette in the other. And fell flat on my crybaby "I want to get healthy" face. 

I don't know how many screwdrivers or cigarettes I had, I can only say it was a lot of each. My e-cig, "Bud," lay forgotten in the pocket of my beach bag, reprimanding me silently with his darkened blue light every time I reached for my towel or another Pall Mall. That is, until I finally rolled him up inside my shirt at the bottom of the bag to hide his sad, judgmental little blue eye. 

My only saving grace, if there is such a thing, is that I didn't really eat anything too terrible, but only because I am too picky to eat a sausage on a stick or a gnarly hotdog, standard fare on the Princess day cruise. And at least when we returned to the village and stopped by the Purple Space Monkey for dinner, I did make a somewhat healthier choice with the shrimp and vegetable curry. 

But over all, it was not a healthy day. And I know, I know, I've already read myself the riot act for smoking.

Bad choices, we've all made a few. I know I made a few on Good Friday, at least if I want to be healthier. I guess I am only human, after all, and I will never be perfect. I'm just a girl who wants to join the party when the rest of her friends are having fun. And I did. 

I know the world won't end, but I also know the ramifications of the choices I make. And I realize it will take me longer to reach my goals each time I choose to make those "bad" choices. 

I can only forgive myself for being "bad" on Good Friday, and simply try again to do better tomorrow. Sometimes I think it's all any of us can do. See you then! 

Power Outages & Discouragement - Tuesday & Wednesday (Days 26 & 27)

I was unable to post my Tuesday report yesterday morning thanks to a "planned" power outage, something that is common in Placencia, especially anytime a holiday is near. Although we knew this one was coming, and it was relatively short (only three hours), any outage still manages to screw up our internet service for the entire day. 

By the time the internet finally came back up, and we got the router reset and rebooted in the evening, I had no energy left to write. So, as I have learned to do here in Belize, I rolled with the punches, and decided to combine both Tuesday's and Wednesday's report together. 
Tuesday found me hitting the stairs again because it was simply too hot to drag myself and the dog through the village in the early morning heat. I was determined to do a little more than the day before, so I decided to see how long I could go without a single break. After 35 minutes without a single break, and 39 trips, I was really fatigued and I figured I better sit down before I fell down. And then I was simply done, I couldn't do any more. 
As I had done on Monday, I tried to force myself to not touch the handrail for "safety" at all. It was challenging, and I found myself reaching for the railing out of habit on more than one occasion. I find it interesting, though, how such a small thing increases the level of difficulty for me, and my body is definitely feeling it in different places.

Tuesday was also veggie stand day, and I picked up some great fruit, including a juicy cantaloupe, some gorgeous strawberries, a huge watermelon, more delicious green grapes, as well as some tomatoes, lettuce, potatoes, and zucchini. I used to not buy much fruit here (except for bananas and oranges), because I think it is more expensive, and I hate the time it takes to cut it up and prep it. But as I mentioned before, I have to remind myself that my better self, and my health, are worth it! And I promised myself the three avocados I splurged on at $3.50(bz) each are gonna taste fantastic! 

Wednesday was a little cooler in the morning, but I couldn't stand the thought of trudging up and down the stairs again, so Foxxi and I went for a walk. We kept a pretty good pace and made it to the pier in just under 15 minutes, took a very short "slow-walk" break, and then headed back to the house in 23 minutes, for a total of 38 minutes. I like that I have the option of choosing a different exercise each day, and a walk through the village I love was a really nice change from the stairs I am starting to loathe. And the smiles, waves, and friendly greetings, along with the gorgeous scenery, are always a welcome reminder of why we chose to live in Placencia!
Then it was time to hit the "grocery store," where I picked up a ton of chicken breasts, some ground beef, cheese, bacon, and a heap of stuff for the boys to eat. It's definitely been an interesting few days with "E" home from college, and the hubby and him needing to eat much more quantity, and much differently, from what I am eating. But they've been pretty understanding so far when I tell them certain things are off limits to them and "just for me." If I didn't, the fridge would be empty and all the "good stuff" would be gone in a split second. Wow, those guys can eat anything and everything!

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but something I have been wanting to address is the lack of my "daily scale shot" in my last few posts. Many people encouraged me to abandon the scale because it was causing me too much disappointment, and I have finally decided to take their advice, at least in part. I will still be checking in on my scale to keep myself accountable, and posting the results (once a week or so), but the daily ups and downs were just too discouraging on a daily basis. 
But even with only weekly checkins on the scale, I'm starting to worry that the results will still be disappointing. I am at the point where I'm starting to get more frustrated and less enthusiastic. I have been working so hard, have been so diligent with my exercise, and have significantly improved what I eat, and yet am seeing no change in my shape, the way my clothes fit, little change in the way I feel, and almost no movement of the number on the scale. 

We are nearing the 30-day mark, and I am not seeing or feeling much improvement. I don't want to give up, and I won't (at least not yet), but it gets harder and harder to force myself to eat well and exercise when the monster in my head is saying "Why bother? It's not making any difference anyway. What are you killing yourself for?"   

And then I silently shout back at him, "It will take time!" 

It's going to take more than 30 days. I KNOW that.  

But I HATE that fact. I want something to start happening NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month. NOW. And when it doesn't, especially after almost a month of hard work, I start to lose motivation. And then I start listening to that little devil inside my head who says, "Just quit. You hate it and it's not doing you any good. It's too hot, too late, you're too tired, too (whatever excuse) to exercise. Just treat yourself to the things you love, even if they are bad for you, and DON'T do the things you hate. Enjoy yourself, because you only live once, and tomorrow you could be dead." 

That little monster can be convincing. Pretty. Damn. Convincing.

So, tell me, how do you stay motivated to do something you HATE (for me, that's eating well and exercise), even if you aren't seeing any results? How do you keep going when you would rather just sleep in, throw your tennis shoes away, sit in a chair by the beach, drink watermelon bliss, smoke cigarettes, and eat cheesecake all day? What makes YOU keep going when you are getting discouraged?  

Hanging with My "Bud" on Smokeless Monday (Day 25)

After declaring to the world that Sunday would be my last day of smoking real cigarettes, I knew I had a big challenge ahead of me when I got up on Monday. To change the pattern, instead of my usual routine of sitting on the deck with a cup of coffee while I enjoyed my morning smoke, I got dressed right away and got busy picking up the house. Then I had a few drags off my "Bud" (my e-cig), allowed myself a little coffee, and headed out for some exercise. The "Bud" has nicotine in it, and a cool strawberry flavor, but none of the other carcinogens found in cigarettes. The theory is that it helps me not be a total bitch while I am kicking the habit. I guess we'll see how that goes as the week progresses! 

I wasn't in the mood for leaving the house, so I decided to tackle the stairs again, but with a little personal challenge thrown in. Ever since my brain surgery, I have struggled with feeling off balance, and even though I don't really hang on, I usually run my hand along the railing as I go down, just as a "safety." So I challenged myself to not touch the railing at all, either on the way up or down. But since it made me feel unsteady, it made a difference in my pace, and I felt a little worried that I might stumble as I became more tired. I managed to do 37 trips in 30 minutes, took three minutes to rest, and then pushed myself to do 10 more trips in eight minutes. Monday's total: 38 minutes and 47 trips--I'll take it!

Towards the end, I definitely felt the urge to run my hand along the railing just to steady myself, but I resisted as much as I could. I didn't stumble, but I definitely felt uncomfortable, especially on the way down. I also noticed not using the railing as a "safety" forced me to stand up straighter and move differently, which I felt later in the evening when my lower back began to stiffen up a little bit. Amazing how changing just that small thing worked my body differently. I'm not sure yet if it's a good thing, but it was liberating to abandon my "safety." It may seem like a small thing to you, but to me, it was a big deal!

The rest of the day was okay for a Monday, and I made the boys a chicken, broccoli, mac & cheese casserole for dinner but forgot to get a picture of it. They really liked it, and although I would rather just have the plain mac and cheese, I did have a very small portion. I also managed to drink two liters of water, and a couple glasses of tea, throughout the day. I am happy that I am finally to the point that my water intake is better. And I managed to make it all day with just the occasional drag off my "Bud."

 Until after dinner when I had one real cigarette. But that one was enough. 

Going from close to a pack a day to one cigarette on my first day? I'll guess I'll count it as a partial win, and remind myself that it can only get better from here. This is a life-changing project, and Rome wasn't built in a day. It's going to be a long journey to finding the old me on my "lose weight, gain health" journey. Thankfully, tomorrow is another day, and I hope I'll see you then! 

Enjoyed Sunday Despite Having To Exercise! (Day 24)

Since I used up my "Fun" day on Friday by eating poorly, not exercising, and then indulging in more Watermelon Bliss than I should have, I had to exercise on what would usually be my "exercise-free" day. The village is usually quiet on Sunday mornings, so I leashed up Foxxi to take her for a walk. 

What I failed to take into account was that her little friend, the neighbor's dog "Fluffy," had been over to play early in the morning and tired her out. We didn't get far at all before I realized Foxxi was already exhausted, and I didn't want to give her heat stroke, so we turned around and came back to the house. I was disappointed to find we had only been gone 20 minutes. It wasn't as long as I wanted, but it would have to be enough, because the boys had a surprise for me - a motor for my little boat had finally arrived! 

 Dear hubby and our adopted son, "E," were as excited as kids about launching the little boat I had received as a late Christmas present back in January. Now that I had painted her name on, and they had found a motor that would work, it was finally time to put her in the water. I helped them wrangle my baby, "Nemo," off the ramp and into the water.

I let the boys take her out for the first spin to make sure everything worked ok, and then it was my turn. I can't begin to tell you how excited I was to finally be puttering around the canal and the lagoon in my very own boat! I had never operated a boat motor like this, and it was interesting to learn how it worked.  

We spent some time practicing how navigate, reverse, and turn, and how to pull up to the docks. Dear hubby took pictures and helped by picking out different support posts on the dock, and having me "kiss" them with the nose of the boat. It was really fun, although I will need more practice before I will be ready to go alone. 
Thanks to frequent (hated) grocery shopping last week, I was able to make healthy food choices despite the fact that dear hubby decided to make french toast for breakfast, something he's never done for me! But it's a good thing that there will be more fresh produce at the veggie stands on Tuesday, I'm already getting low on quite a few things. Having a 19-year-old young man at home on Easter break from college, and who is always hungry, really depletes the grocery supply quickly! 

Overall, Sunday was a pretty good day, and almost a true "funday." And at least I did some exercise, even though it wasn't the full 30 minutes (or more) I try to shoot for. I also got my full liter of water choked down, along with several glasses of unsweetened tea. And I think I'm going to count the boat wrangling as exercise too, since it is REALLY heavy and takes all three of us to get it off and on the ramp, so that gets me a little closer to my 30 minutes. And at least I was pretty active all day with very little couch surfing, and that helps too. And, of course, tomorrow I will try again! See you then!